French Toast

French toast is not egg cooked on the outside of bread. French toast is a custard, and should be treated more like a steak than an egg.

Choice of bread is often over-emphasized. The most important thing is that it be able to absorb lots of the custard fluid, and integrate well with it without falling apart. Thickness matters more than bread type. I like to cut slices between 0.75 and 1.5 inches.

Okay, here we go. This is a custard. I use heavy cream. Half and half would cut it, but sack up and don't use milk. You're eating French toast, you pansy.

1/2 cup heavy cream
5 eggs
spices

This is enough to make French toast for 2-4 people, depending on how much they eat. Add eggs to cream and mix well. I do this in a large Pyrex measuring cup. This is where I'd add spices if I were to do such a thing. Cinnamon, nutmeg maybe, ground cloves maybe, cayenne pepper maybe.

Have your bread sliced and ready. Ideally, you'll have sliced it the day before and left it out to dry - or just use stale bread, as it was intended. Less water in the bread means more absorption of custard and a firmer end result. Pour enough of your custard mixture into the bottom of a Pyrex baking dish to coat. Lay bread in cozy cozy. Pour remaining custard over the top, spreading evenly. The only reason to spread is to avoid dry spots. The custard will drain down into the dish and eventually be completely absorbed by the bread, so don't sweat the details. Cover with plastic wrap and fridgerate overnight. Yes, really - this is mandatory. Okay, fine. You can leave it for a couple hours minimum. Again, the watchwords here are integration and absorption, so use your best judgment.

Pre-heat your oven to 375. Now, heat a big cast-iron skillet over med-high heat. When hot, drop a tablespoon or two of butter in there. It will melt, then burn quickly, so have the soaked bread ready to go immediately. Lay everything down even over the melted butter and cook just until nicely browned. Flip everything and brown on the other side.

Your French toast is not done. Just like a thick steak, you want to sear the sides for flavor, but finish cooking in the oven. There is a load of creamy custard in the center of that French toast, and if you bite into it you will be grossed out like nobody's business. Putting all the pieces on the rack in the oven for 10-12 minutes will set the custard that makes up most of the interior, while keeping the outside crispy and golden brown, but not burned. I say rack because you definitely want to use a rack to avoid the sogginess that comes with steam buildup if they were set on a surface like a cookie sheet. Heed my words.

Now, your French toast is done. Enjoy with a bit of butter, and real warmed maple syrup. Coffee optional but recommended. Eat and then go take a nap before heading to the drug store for insulin booster shots.